It's been awhile

...since I have posted regularly here. What can I say? I have been busy house cleaning; it seems like forever. Really, truly cleaning...cobwebs in the corners, dust bunnies under the bed, nitty gritty cleaning.

One of the things I love about deep cleaning is finding a lost treasure. No I don't mean the men's sterile urine collection bag I found under the desk??? Or the half eaten pack of Juicy Fruit gum from 1994. Or the unopened stack of bills and bank statements from May 2007. (Oops, sorry creditors, that was a rough month). Or the petrified french fry that was inside a box that has never been unpacked since I moved here 2 years ago...

Today my friends, I found something I have been trying to find for the past 2 years. No, I am not talking about my sanity. That is long gone.

This morning, I found the second half of the electrical plug to my heated, vibrating, reading light on top, giant soft husband pillow. Yeah!

I am convinced this thing is better than a real human husband. Consider the following evidence:

My husband pillow:

  • Cannot tell me that I look fat

  • Is always supportive

  • Is warm

  • Lights up the room

  • And, it Vibrates. Need I say more?

Excuse me now... I am going to read and vibrate; while cradled in the supportive arms of my husband pillow.

I rest my case.


Just Thinking

About starting to write regularly on Dear Jane again.
However, I am not sure I can even be funny anymore...

But I figure, it's much like
pulling out an old pair of super model size 4 jeans
from the back of your closet

and while they may feel uncomfortable
or strangely tight at first
because you haven't worn them in so long...

you can refuse to eat for 5 days,
then suck in your gut

and slip into them
one leg
at a time

...and make people laugh.


Daily Horoscope

You'll see something or someone today that reminds you of an important event in your past, and you should follow your urge to wander down memory lane for a while. Reminiscing about the past is always better when someone else is remembering along with you, so find someone who was in your life then and give them a call or send them an email. This shared time in your lives might not be terribly significant, but thinking about how much you've grown will be rewarding.